Shannon is back with All the Single Ladies. She’s single, fabulous and back to rant about dating in the desert. Find her column here each month.
When a singleton complains she’s not meeting any “decent” guys, her friends, family and co-workers will no doubtedly respond with…“you just need to get out more.” Sure, get out more. And where, you ask? You’re likely to be referred to the following places where you will surely meet the potential soulmates I regularly come across:
1. The Grocery Store
I typically grocery shop on my way home from work, on an early Sunday morning or at 10:00 pm when I just realized I’m out of cat food and paper towels. What gentlemanly gems have I come across during my late night supply runs? First, I always see “Mr. I Eat All Frozen Dinners and Snacks Outta Plastic Bags.” Unfortunately, I too eat frozen dinners because I hate cooking and cleaning for just me, so we would be a match made in nutrition hell. Or, I spy outta my eye “Mr. I’m Wearing What I Wore to Play Basketball in and am Picking Up a 12-pack of Bud and Lighter Fluid.” He just screams culturally stimulating to me. Not that I don’t enjoy a good chargrilled burger every now and then. And then, there’s always a creepy guy that spends way too much time deciding which brand of toilet paper to buy, or which Costco-sized lotion is more moisturizing. Cree-py!
2. The Bookstore/Hipster Coffee Shop
Sounds more promising, given the minor intellectual nature associated with being able to manuever through a bookstore and attempt to appear interested in the printed word. Not so. There’s always a gaggle of young gents looming at the magazine racks, attempting to catch just a glimpse of this months’ Playboy cover. Or the guy decked out in dungeons and dragons get-up leafing through every anime comic ever printed. And then you spot a cutie in the corner of the classical literature section, sitting in a big orange leather chair reading Catch-22. You “casually” make your way near, eyeing his cute glasses and shaggy hair, grabbing a travel guide to Nepal so you look cool. And then his boyfriend walks up and hands him an Americano and you sheepishly return to the chick-lit section to drown yourself in some other poor singletons’ story.
3. The Sports Bar
Duh. Men go to sports bar to do two things: watch sports and drink beer. Last thing you can attempt to do is cull their interest in your cute new sweater and leggings/boots outfit that you slaved over to look cute and casual. Forget it.
4. The Gym
Yes, I bought a membership. Pigs flew right on by my window, I swear. What I’ve found, unfortunately, is that there are two types at the gym. Those juiceheads who spend all their time in the weights section, watching their veins bulge in their spray-tanned necks. Or, the wanna-be juiceheads rocking out on the treadmill, listening to “Party Rock” on their ipods and texting their friends to find out where they can get trashed later that night.
So where are they? Where are all the nice, smart, funny, stable guys in this town? Oh yeah, they’re at home with their wives and boyfriends/girlfriends. Comment here on where you found your cutie.