On an insane burger challenge, that is. The rumblings have been echoing around the Valley for a while. Rumors of a beefy monstrosity stacked an artery-clogging nine-patties high and larded up with an equal amount of melted cheese slices.

Well, turns out the food porn gods really have shined upon of little vale, and the New Times has the pics to prove it. Called the “Three Pound Burger Challenge” it’s offered at the new Lobby’s Beef, Burgers, Dogs in Tempe. So what happened when a New Times writer forked over $20 and had 10 minutes to eat one?

“Over 30 people have tried, they say, and only four have succeeded. At first, I tried to go caveman on it, using just the hands and face to attack the burger as it lay horizontal like a meaty corn on the cob. I’m feeling confident that I can finish. Only four 1/3-pound patties and the bun remain — just one patty per minute! Easy. But oh, how quickly things change. With just over two minutes left on the clock, my stomach spasms as if I’ve been punched. The medium-rare menace in my belly is fighting back, and he’s pissed. Feelings of nausea and exhaustion wash over me. I can’t go on.”

Think you can do better DLT readers? We’ll post the first pic of anyone who even tries this burger behemoth.

[Phx New Times]